I Have Raised Some Quality Entertainment.

As most of you know, my son is rather witty. He says things that make me swell with pride and quite frankly, jealousy. To speak with the innocence and honesty of a child is amazing and hysterical to say the least. Most of them are directed at me or Brandon.

I, as his victim - ahem - I mean mother, laugh and correct him as needed.

I think it’s kind of great how the public's acceptance of speech works. When you are young, it’s innocent honesty, you know "kid's say the darndest things!". When you are old, you get to use the ol’ with age comes wisdom card. Have you been to shitmydadsays.com? I follow him on twitter and facebook. HILARIOUS. I feel like I should start a site. Shitmysonsays.com perhaps?

On beauty:
“Mom, you are even beautiful when you wake up and have those one glasses on.”
“Mom, I love the heck outta yer face.”

On love:
“Ugh. My girlfriend at school dumped me.”
Me: “ I am so sorry! What did she say?”
“Hey fool. I’m breaking up with you because you are odd. And a little awkward.”

Video Evidence of this conversation to follow….

On laughing at inappropriate times:
“You can’t fight funny. You just can’t.”

On promises:
“That’s right or my name isn’t Isaac Shawn East. Well….It still will be, but I’m not wrong.”

On diversity:
“Mom, I do like black girls. I do. Brown ones, black ones, light ones like me…whatever. Just not fat ones.”

Yes, I know the last one is pushing it. I never said the stuff he said wasn’t offensive. He now calls them fluffy.

He picked up a few choice bad words from a boy at school. I’m blaming someone else and their mother. That’s where Isaac said it came from and that’s what I’m sticking with. I went to my parent’s on my lunch break to hang out with Isaac for a few. Haley informed me (and Haley, I am counting on you to be the informant until he’s at least 20) that he got in trouble for saying a bad word.

-Isaac was carrying my sister’s dog and apparently she leapt for freedom…
“Nocchi, you little bastard.”

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

I asked Isaac where he learned it and without missing a beat, he sold out his classmate. He proceeded to explain how he now knows it’s a bad word and there was no need to keep talking about it (AHEM….BRANDON).

Favorite Part: SHE IS WAY OFF THE LINE.

Favorite Part: YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU LOVE YOUR MOM!

And then the DARLING look on his sweet face when he says 'I love you.'

I keep notes on my cell phone. Any time he says anything funny, I make a new note. I ran out of room.

THE OTHER WOMAN.

I should start by saying that my husband texted me the other day and said 'We're having a girl!'. That was the finish to a very crazy few weeks of phone calls, faxes, and shipping brokers.

Brandon's daddy has had a 1974 Dodge Power Wagon since '76 (I think?). Brandon grew up riding along with his daddy in that truck. Every time we go and visit Arizona, we always make sure to spend some good quality time with her. She's yellow. Took a while to grow on me. But I, too, have grown to love sweet Daisy like she is my own.

And now she is.

She's a big girl. A loud, yellow, big girl. In 8 years, I haven't seen my husband this happy. Except for ya know, our wedding and the birth of our only human child. We had Daisy shipped to OKC and we picked her up Sunday. She has settled in nicely in her new home. Brandon gets all teary eyed when he thinks about his boy riding along beside him in it.

Isaac is at the age where he KNOWS he's awesome. We are loving every second of it.

Yes, It's Been Exactly TWO Months Since The Last Post.

Yikes. I'm not so good at this.

So much has happened in two months!!! Isaac is STILL amazing. STILL hilarious. STILL adorable. STILL terrifying me with his death defying leaps from crap he shouldn't jump from.

But this month brings us to his last few weeks of pre-school! Unbelievable that my child is almost five. He starts Kindergarten on September 7th and the very same school his mommy and grandma went to growing up. Warm fuzzies anyone?

I bought my ticket to Germany. No big deal. I'm not like grinning when I type that or anything. I leave September 1st. Now re-read the last paragraph. Now re-read this paragraph. Notice anything tragic? Yeah. The school district hates me. I planned the trip after the end of August when NORMAL people start school. I will miss Isaac's first day of Kindergarten! I cried. And cried. And then cried some more. But Brandon has reassured me that Isaac will survive. We plan on Skype-ing before school starts that day and racking up phone bills so mommy feels better. Regardless of Brandon's reassurances, I am convinced my child will think mommy is a slacker and harbor feelings of resentment for years to come (let's be honest. Isaac couldn't care less. He will be focused on the amazing playground and the cute new teacher).

I got a new camera and sadly can't post the beautiful HD video it takes because that little sucker is smarter than me. I can't figure out the video conversion. I have a few clips of Isaac's Spring Sing. He was grumpy and giving me hate-face all through which made it HILARIOUS.

Here's a few cutesies to get you through another day.

Treasures in Papa's backyard:









First day of Spring!






Sweet little secrets

You know you're from Kansas when.....

Isaac and his sweet Great-grandma on her 77th birthday!

Easter goodies:

Uncle Matt, Isaac and Little G on Easter:

I hope all of you mother's go out and CELEBRATE this weekend! I know that I don't know what I would do without all of the wonderful women in my life. I thank the Lord each and every day for my mommy, grandma, mother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, grandma-in-laws:)

And because I have only this picture of my mommy on this computer, this is what you get:

Happy Mother's Day!

Reasons

Yes, folks, that was a John Denver song in the previous post. Wasn't it amazing?!

I have mentioned before that my son dances to beat of his own drummer (see this post). I wasn't kidding ...

I was blessed to have been raised by two amazing people. Their strength, beauty, and humor are what I try to live my life by. Few people were given the opportunities that my brother, sisters and I were given in life. We were able to watch love grow. I have laughed every day of my beautiful life. There is no greater wish for my children than to have exactly what I was fortunate enough to be given.






I think the drummer that Isaac dances to is on lease from my father. My daddy has watched Isaac since I went back to work when he was 6 weeks old.




There is no reason to wonder where Isaac gets his love for the outdoors, guitar, bluegrass, or Spongebob. My heart and MY SOUL smile every time I hear that boy ask for John Denver. When he tells me that he is going to do something a certain way because that is how his Papa does it - or how he gets that smile and raises his eyebrows, just like my daddy. That bowl of ice cream (or four...) that he eats every day, snuggled up in Papa's bed. These are things that life is made of.




Isaac is so blessed - and so are Brandon and I. Mom, thank you for sacrificing your living room for toy boxes full of racecars, guns, and army guys. I know you wouldn't have it any other way.




Thank you Daddy (and Mommy!) for taking care of our sweet boy for the past 4 1/2 years. And thank you for being so darn wonderful.

P.S. Mom, Dad....my glasses were never cool. What were you thinking?!

Prepare Your Heart For Maximum Meltage

Download Isaac


If you want to die from happiness, click the link. Do it.

Little Bit of Random Happiness

These are just a few of my favorite pictures of my sweet little man. As I'm sitting here, tearing up, I think about how quickly time has passed. His sweet little baby hands have lost the dimples and he's getting taller by the day. His vocabulary grows every minute and his mind is always going a thousand miles an hour. He is truly my greatest treasure.

So I'm sitting here typing all these things with him next to me. He crawls up to look at the pictures, burps, and tells me it smells like corndogs.

No amount of sentimental gushing can take away from the reality that he is a 4 year old boy.

My treasure burps, picks his nose, and whines.

The Day I Discovered Why My Purse Was So Heavy

My poor co-worker couldn't stop laughing.



I had an 'I'm-going-to-go-crazy-with-all-this-shit-in-my-purse' attack.

Sadly, I think I should be embarrased by this photo going public. Obviously, I am not. However, there is a slight sense of fear. My anti-anxiety medicine should not be so close to my pepper spray.....

It's an update, yo!

So I come to you asking for forgiveness and mercy. Basically, I suck. I have made a promise to myself and my laptop - I will be a more dedicated blogger. I have tons of pictures piling up, waiting to be blogged. I have a mental cache of witty quips from my child that are pleading to be released into the world wide web.

I'll start with my happy happy joy joy news! Isaac was released from the pediatric opthomalagist's care!!! The doctor feels that Isaac slightly droopy eyelid (we refer to this as his 'wonky eye'....with love, of course) is not interfering with his vision and he does not see it doing so in the future. We'll go to a normal eye doctor yearly now. Yesterday we had our final appointment and the poor little booger had to get his eyes dilated. His mother is a heinous biatch because she couldn't stop laughing.

Isaac: Mom, can I watch Phineas and Ferb on your iPod?

Me: Sure, bub. Here.

Isaac: What the...? It's blurry, mother! I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work.

[Isaac looks at Papa]

Isaac: AAARRRRGGGGG, Papa you are blurry when I look at you!!!!

Isaac: I have nothing to do but close my eyes and sleep now.

Nurse: Isaac?

Isaac: WHHHHAAAAAAAT?!

That boy was so stinkin' funny all afternoon.

A few more Isaac-isms to get you through the week:

"Dear Jesus, please be with my fami- pause. Mom, I need a drink."

"Isaac, look! It's snowing!"

[a very sleepy Isaac raises his head and screeches "It's FAAAAAKE!"]

"Mom, isn't my voice so cute?!"

He's just non-stop. There are so many more I need to write down. Kid cracks himself up.

In my last post I mentioned how awesome our Wii Mario game was. I retract anything positive I said about Mario and that damn Luigi. They are horrible people and pulling my son down into a deep dark place. It's a MARIO AND LUIGI ADDICTION. Drives. Me. Nuts.

Let's Kick It Old School

As I approach my middle age years (bahahahahaaaa), I have come to realize that they just don't make stuff the way they used to. Hmph. Insert old man grumpy face here. Isaac gets toys that fall apart on the way home from the store. Video games are all about killing, zombies, or killing zombies.
BUT...the gods of yesteryear heard me whining. Oh, yes, they did. Behold.....SUPERMARIO FOR THE WII!!!!!





I know, right?! This was a staple in my life for a good 5 years. I would walk to my best friend Melissa's house and play Mario and Tetris for hours. I sucked. Still do, but I'm having fun at being terrible. Melissa and her sister, Megan, rocked at it. Every single time I see Mario and Luigi I think of those happy times in their basement and it warms my heart! Now that I TYPE it, I sound crazy. Mario, a black haired Italian midget, makes me think of my best friend, a quiet blonde Swedish girl. One of those 'it's the thought that counts' kind of things.


I could not put into words how excited I was to get this damn video game. Isaac looked at me like I was nuts. It was then I realized that I was old. It was a 'back in my day, son' moment. OH. MY. GOSH. I have come to the point in my life where I am telling the 'I used to walk to school in the snow, uphill, both ways' stories.


Then I got to thinking about all the 'cool' things I did, wore, said, etc.,....let me tell you what - I was awesome, dude. Psych! Bahahahaha!!!

Exhibit A:





This must have been an off day, for I am not rocking the trademark 80's side ponytail I wore so frequently. Or the knot tied in the front of my shirt. However, my socks are slouched and my jeans are acid washed. Let's revel in the beauty of the too short pants while we're here. And, yes, thanks for noticing...those are black Keds.

Our Fraggle Rock, The Smurfs, David the Gnome, Hey Dude, and Saved By The Bell have been replaced by this generation's Sid the Science Kid, Spongebob Squarepants, Phineas and Ferb, iCarly, and Wizards of Waverly Place. I played with Matchbox cars that would put a 3" divot in my head when my brother would chuck it at me. Now? The thin plastic car loses a wheel when we pop it out of the package.

I feel like Earl Pitts (You know what makes me sick?! Listen up America!) - but I am not complaining, just observing. It's pretty cool growing up, watching things change. The Smurfs never had an episode about paying a mortgage or what to do when your son whips out willy talk at Wal-Mart (Mom! The hanger just hit me in mineweiner. It's said just like that - all one word). I miss my youth - the carefree days that were nothing but wondering what mom packed in my lunchbox. And yes, mom, I will pack the little notecards in Isaac's lunchbox, just like you did in mine. And where I cherised mine, Isaac (I blame T.V.) will turn around and trade it for two Bakugan cards and a fruit roll-up.

I leave you with this. No one, and I mean NO ONE, rocked leg warmers like I did. Screw Flashdance, I WAS AMAZING.

Oh, and I guess you can see Isaac in this post, too.

I'm A Brainiac, Brainiac....

Get it? You know the song? I'm a maaaaaniac, maniac....

Pathetic. I know.

But seriously. My sons ROCKS at anything computer related. He can find, do, and fix anything on our laptop. Educational games, photo editing, painting....all things my son can do to stimulate and increase his brain power. What does he choose to do? And what does my husband encourage? Command and Conquer. For all you non-nerd folk out there, that is a war game that works with strategy and using your thinker to blow crap up. Stimulating the brain? Sure. Encouraging blowing crap up? Yes.

Ladies and Gentleman, let me introduce you to our nightly education ritual:





Do you see the look on Brandon's face? That is a look of defeat. Isaac wanted to place a bomb or rocket or something in one place and Brandon said it wouldn't work. Isaac said,

"Hush Daddy. Watch."

And you know what? It worked. I have no doubt in my head that my son will be helping me with my college homework in a few years. Score!

A Photo To Make Up For My Lack Of Postings...

“Mom, this candy makes my eye move.”

I’m assuming this explains the sour face? It does not however explain the horrible lighting in which I take my photos. Sorry. Funny things happen when the sun goes down, folks. I am but the (horrible) messenger.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Happy Happy Fall!!!!

#%$&

There has been a lack of posting due to an over-abundance of random crap in my life.

Let me catch you up:

1. My family has fallen victim to H1N1. I think SWINE flu is a rather nice way of putting it. 'Swine' only makes it sound dirty. It should be called 'Dirty Nasty Wild Boar Who Rolled Around In It's Own...' - Oh. What? This is a family blog? Never mind then. Let's just say that it was BAD.

2. Isaac learned the phrase 'you little bastard'. Again, I know this is a family blog, but I'm not going to paint a false picture of my life. 'You little bastard' is something that came out of his mouth and I feel obligated to blog about it. Proud? No. Curious? Of course. (Yes, grandparents and concerned citizens....we have disciplined him. Don't report us.)

3. Booger wiping is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation. My son has fallen ill of this and I find him indiscreetly wiping his nasty little boogers all over my pretty little clean (bahahaha) house. When I catch him in the act, he innocently waves his hands in front of himself and says "Never mind me, mom." This cute little line is also used when he finds himself being a smartass and knows he is about to be in BIG trouble - example: "Uh, I'm trying to watch TV MOTHER. GET OUT OF MY WAY, er.....never mind me, mom."

4. I thought for a good month or so my son wanted to be a 'bonfire' for Halloween. I was like WTH?! A friggin' BONFIRE?! Yeaaaaaah.....Isaac was saying vampire. I think back at all the times I was discussing how we could make him into a bonfire and he would just shake his head. Makes total sense now. He thinks his mother is an idiot and didn't have the heart to tell her.

We did, in fact, go on vacation. I do have pictures. Later. Promise.

My Sidekick. My Partner-In-Crime. My....'Take A Retarded Picture With Mom' Buddy.

I'd like to tell you that this was just a quick random picture. I'd like to say 'Hey, check out the funny picture of us I snapped yesterday'. But..................

No, I made my poor son take like 75 pictures until I didn't look like I was on crack. I get so super excited to be taking pictures with him that I get this face. No words describe it. My eyebrows go 4 inches higher on my face than humanly possible and my eyes look like I'm....special.

This was only successful picture. We had to look mean...for we were about to go get the bad guys hiding on the porch. I had to cut Isaac a deal - you pose for ridiculous pictures, I'll be Robin to your Batman.

I got the better end of the deal. Now that I look at the picture more closely.....we look like a momma platypus and a baby platypus. And yes that is spelled right. I just googled it.

Don't Make Me Put A Hit Out On You.

No big deal. I was cooking dinner tonight (grilled cheese and soup in case you were wondering) and I overhear a conversation between Isaac................and...........a tealight.

Isaac: 'What did you say? What did you say to me?!'
Tealight: .......................
Isaac: 'Imma give you one more chance to talk. Then yer done.'
Tealight: ....................................
Isaac: 'I don't want to do this but you give me no choice.'

Now tell me......what am I supposed to do here?! Discipline him or pay him off for protection?