I Call It Culture.

You know those parents who want 'cultured' kids? Yes, THOSE parents. The ones that take their 18-month-old to friggin' India to make him at peace with himself. Or the parents who send their 13 year-old to Paris with her friends so she can 'find herself'?

Yeah, I take MY kid to P.F. Changs. All the culture he is going to see for a while. But you know what? He's MASTERED chopsticks and thinks the Japanese/Chinese/Asian dragon he colored on his placemat is amazing.

Well done, child, well done.

Victory Thy Name is PERENNIAL!!!!

Hi, my name is Lindsey East and I am a plant-killer.



My grandmother was a lover of all blooms. My mother is a lover of all blooms. I....kill all blooms. I have unsuccessfully tried to keep plants alive for about 5 or 6 years. When I got married, I figured, hey, I'm a wife now - this means I miraculously obtained the magical gift of the green thumb. FAIL. I kept a bamboo plant alive for a short 9 months and it died a long painful death.

I was at Wal-Mart recently and saw some clearance plants. I have to be honest. I bought the first plant because the pot said 'Made in Germany'. I thought it was a sign from my Grandma Barlag so I bought it. I have three of those now and NONE are dead! Granted, it's been three weeks, but that's beside the point......

On to the moral of this victory story! When we bought our house in August of '07, there was not a living plant on the property. Growing up surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, I needed some sign of life at my house. I talked to my mom and dad and they were so wonderful about helping. The following fall, they dove right in, helping me dig and collect rock. They probably went home and snickered..."Lindsey's going to try to keep something ALIVE!!!" (Just kidding!) Mom guided me step-by-step on the how's and what's of planting bulbs. It was late fall, so there wasn't much happening. Dad collected awesome rocks for my flower bed and it looked so put together. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WATER IT, RIGHT?! Wrong. My lilies were in bloom when I planted them and shortly after, died. My hostas never came up. It's me. I'm a natural born killer.

Isaac waters them last week. Guess what?

Needless to say, his chores now include watering mommy's plants. We're headed off to buy more mulch tonight. We need to cover all the plants because apparently Kansas has decided to throw some snow down and IT'S ALMOST APRIL. Ridiculous. Mother Nature hates me.

So It Begins....

Isaac just asked me why he doesn't have a baby sister. He DEFINITELY does not want a baby brother, but said a baby sister 'would be wonderful.'

What do you think is the right age between kids? I have a brother who is 2 1/2 years older than me. My sisters and I are all 5 years apart. I am thinking 5 years might be the way things work out.

Brandon and I have had this discussion numerous times over the past 4 years. Isaac was a surprise, but we knew that once we had one, another was bound to come along sometime...might as well plan for that one, ya know? But now that I think about it, surprises are nice. I'll never be ready for another child...my mom always said that if you wait until you are ready to have a baby, you'll never have one.

All of that being said, NO I'm not pregnant....just thought it was cute that Isaac wants a baby sister :)

Long Time, No Blog.

I am dragging today. Bllllaaaaaaaaaah. I spent the weekend procrastinating on housework and that's exhausting.

Isaac has had a fever the past day or so. He is sooo sweet and cuddly when he doesn't feel good. Breaks my heart when he just lays on me. He tells me that his eyes are leaking. And for some reason he thinks when you are sick, it means you need to be naked. Let me assure you that at my house we don't run around nekkid when we are sick. I think Isaac is so hot that he just wants to be BARE!

I just got off the phone with Brandon and apparently Isaac is already feeling a little better. He's a young whippersnapper though...my dad's been down for 3 weeks now with this crud! Isaac is playing at the park as we speak, er...type...and hopefully the beautiful weather is making him feel better.

Brandon might kill me for telling his story, but....oh well!:)
Isaac has discovered the power of the groin-punch. He's mastered the art of making it look like an accident, too. When daddy makes him mad, he'll run over and sock 'em good. Brandon really has been getting on Isaac about this and Isaac knows better. Last night, Isaac had a meltdown and ran over and just punched Daddy RIGHT where it counts. Brandon found his voice again and hollered at Isaac that was NOT OKAY! Isaac squares up, points his finger at Daddy, and screams, "I AM A MAN!", with a very serious, angry look on his face. I lost it. I was all about backing Daddy in the disciplining when it came to protecting the jewels, but where my son got THAT?!.....baffled me. And to hear that coming out of a 3 year-old's mouth was just....priceless. I had to run in the hallway and hide, I was laughing so hard.

Ahhhhhhh, just a day in the life. :)

Bi-Polar Kansas and Those Who Enjoy It.

Kansas is bi-polar. I've come to realize this after almost 25 years. In the late winter/early spring months, it can go from 30° one day to 80° the next. Brandon's allergies LOVE Kansas.
My work went to a shortened work week and I had a BEAUTIFUL three day weekend with Isaac. It was 75°-80° every day and we took atleast ten walks around the neighborhood. We got to play with the activity table that Grandma and Grandpa got Isaac and it was a blast. It's a sand and water activity table, but somebody had suggested using rice instead of sand. Such a genius idea. It worked out great.
Another perk of Kansas is the lovely dead grass that we get 4 months out of the year. As you can see in picture #2, it creates a lovely background for pictures.
Also in picture #2 you will see a large plastic tub. I would like for you to take a minute to picture mommy filling up that tub with water. You see, I killed the hose. Ran over it several months ago. So there's mommy in the kitchen with a dang 30 gallon tub. I didn't think about how awkward that would be carrying it outside after it was FULL of 30 gallons of water. Duh. Isaac thought mommy splashing those 30 gallons of water all over her was hilarious. Mommy did not. Mommy survived.

Batman vs. The Yogurt

This 'Yogurt' is not to be confused with our dog, Bella Yogurt. You see, 'The Yogurt' is apparently a bad guy. My son is not Isaac, but BATMAN, the superhero that is sure to save the day. I'm told daddy is the evil villian that is trying to destroy everything. Isaac crushes The Yogurt with his death-ray and dodges defeat by using defensive moves only Batman would know. Batman towers over his enemy as he eliminates him with one final blow.

"Hahahahahahaaaaaa! I got you Yogurt!"

Mommy is very curious as to what an evil villian would do with a name like 'Yogurt' and Brandon and Isaac both break character, looking at me astounded by my question.

Apparently my son thought that Batman's arch nemisis was The Yogurt. Also known to you and I as........"THE JOKER".


Mess with me mommy. I dare you.

Batman and The Yogurt at their final showdown.

I like to think of this as Batman....deep in thought.

There's my sweet boy!

Be Still My Heart.

Imaginary Boats and Lunch Breaks.

They go together like peanut butter and jelly.

He was the captain of a large freighter in the Pacific. Our journey was long and mommy had a hard time getting her sea legs. We found land (LAAAAAAND HO, MOMMY!) and dropped anchor (he had an AWESOME sound effect for that) - all in a day's lunch break. 'Tis a wonderful adventure, my life.

Oh, look. Isaac acting shocked that mommy is keeping her plants alive. Cute. Real cute.

Getting him to look directly AT the camera is quite a feat....I am just excited the boy's eyes are open.

It's Called Crop Camp, and It's a Beautiful Thing.

Okay. Some people might think that's crazy to pay for quiet time. These people don't have a crazy three year old and two wild dogs. I mentioned a scrapbooking convention that I went to with my mom, and though I haven't managed to get pictures of my pages up here - I did get a few cute ones of me and my mom!

If you can see in the picture, we are all laughing hysterically. I went with an AWESOME bunch of my mom's friends. Not just friends, but friends she had for almost FORTY years. My mom and Vicki (who is behind me in this picture) have been besties for a very long time. We may or may not be allowed in Cracker Barrel....ever again.

Do you see the absolute MADNESS that surrounds us?! My mom and I were some of the very few that didn't have a conversion van full of stuff. People are so crazy about scrapbooking! We had a very good time and I will be doing it again someday. 'Cuz LORD knows I can't get any scrappin' done at MY house.

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night........

And this boy LOVES sunglasses.

As Promised.....

And yes I know I promised them forever ago.

This was taken FOREVER ago, but I just absolutely LOVE this picture of the two of us.

Yay for new glasses!!! Yes, I am blind - try not to focus on the coke bottle lenses. Focus on the adorableness of the frames....

I know this is hard to make out, but it's Isaac being Isaac. He learned from the best. He likes to use my phone to take pictures. We get some interesting ones.

Isaac being a big boy at Dr. Whitfill's office in January. He said he wanted to be brave and sit all by himself. It made mommy want to cry.

The Things That NO One Told Me.

I heard so many different things when I was pregnant. This will change my life. Nothing will ever be the same from now on. Once I saw his face, life would make sense. Motherhood will be the most beautiful, inspiring thing you have ever experienced. These 'pearls' have proved themselves to be true over and over again in the last 3 years. There are times (let's be real, I'm a pansy, I do it a lot...) that I look at my son and I cry. I am so proud of who he is and what he does. He's THREE for pete's sake, it's bound to get so much worse. People were right, I never KNEW my heart could know such love. But what about the stuff no one ever told me? There is so much that people forgot...or maybe just wanted me to find out for myself.

1. Parenting is by far the most difficult things I have ever done. Not because I struggle with disciplining Isaac, more due to the fact that I have no SELF discipline. Do you know how HARD it is to put a sobbing child in time out that is screaming, "Does this mean we aren't friends anymore?!"

2. Who in the HELL forgot to tell me that parenting is so friggin' FUNNY?! Here I go with self-discipline again. I simply cannot stop laughing at my son. Yes, he is mouthy, but what he says is the TRUTH! I can't discipline my son for speaking his mind, especially when he does it so honestly. Example #1: I like to crouch down and get on Isaac's level when I talk to Isaac. We have this thing where all I have to do is say 'eyes' and he looks at me. I try not to get in his face, but sometimes when I am trying to talk to him, I am RIGHT THERE. He looks me square in the face and says, "Mom, your face bothers me right now. Please close your mouth and walk away." OF COURSE it angers me, but he isn't saying it hatefully.
Example #2: I got new glasses. Isaac broke my old ones when he was about a year old. The whole side piece broke off and I have been sporting opera style glasses for over two years now. It was far overdue. I asked Isaac if mommy looks nice in her new glasses. He says yes and continues to say sweet things..."you are beautiful, mommy"...."so cute!"......"I love your face with glasses on them!". I don't wear them regularly, just when my eyeballs can't handle 16+ hours a day with contacts plastered to them. Once a week, maybe. Last weekend, I wore them Friday and Saturday. I popped my contacts in when we were running uptown and he says...innocently and very matter-of-factly..."Mom, no glasses look ugly. I got used to your face when it wears glasses."

Let me repeat, he is NOT mean. He is very nice to his friends at school and his teachers have sung his praises many times. It is the pure innocence of his thoughts that amazes me. Brandon and I don't hold back when talking to Isaac. We address him as an adult so maybe we have created this fact-generating child? My fault or not, I do teach him to say things more nicely. BUT....not before turning my head and laughing my chubby little butt off.

Emergency Situation

Isaac: "Mommy, I really want that train!"
Mommy: "Isaac, that is a train statue. The wheels don't even move. Let's look at something that won't break so easy and one that you can have more fun with."
Isaac: >proceeds to throw fit in the aisle of Hobby Lobby<
Mommy: "C'mon, Isaac, let's go, we're not going to do this right now..."

>Enter crazy old man<

Old man: I have trains like that all over my house. I started collecting 'em about 60 years ago, and they're not for little people. They'll break and not be worth anything.
>he continues to talk for a good 2 minutes about the value of a mass produced balsa wood train<

Isaac: >looks at old man and raises his eyebrows<
Mommy: "Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell him, but you know three year olds...they want what they want when they want it!"
Isaac: >flips open an imaginary cell phone and begins to dial< "I'm calling the police....I don't know you, stranger."
Mommy: >While trying to talk over Isaac so the poor old man is not offended, Mommy makes awkward small talk....all while trying not to laugh hysterically<
Isaac: "Yes, police? I need some assistance here. I've got a situation."
Mommy: "Isaac, let's go. Now."

>We proceed to the checkout line without the train, and I very quickly usher out my sarcastic, and now crying, child.<

Ahhhhhhhhh, the joys of having a witty kid.

Krabby Patties and Appliance Hell.

I spent the weekend at a scrapbooking ''convention". It's the first time since Isaac was born that I was away for two nights! It was only in Wichita, but I missed the boys SO much. They drove up on Sunday to eat breakfast with me, so I tried to get my Isaac lovin's in that hour. I got some great scrapbook pages done and really enjoyed spending some time with my momma.

Isaac discovered that Wal-Mart has gummy Krabby Patties. This is apparently the GREATEST creation in the world to three year old little boys. He collects all the change he finds and when he walks into Wal-Mart, he runs STRAIGHT to the candy aisle and grabs 2 boxes. Somehow the little guy knows how many boxes he can get with what money he has. Daddy and I have had to ration his Krabby Patty intake. Isn't that hilarious? We have never had to worry too much about him eating too much candy. He loves it, but he loves green beans, peas, carrots, oatmeal, cheese and yogurt WAY too much to get full on candy. We got very lucky with a son that loves healthy food.

Brandon and I were under the house working on some duct work and waterpipes while my dad was watching Isaac in the living room. I heard Isaac's little voice holler down, "Have you reached the center of the Earth yet?!"

It's been a year full of appliance deaths. Last March our washer died. No warning, no final hoorah, just DIED. In November, our water heater blew up. In January, our fridge light went out and we thought it was just the light. Turns out it was the whole stinkin' electrical panel. It gradually quit cooling and I have to admit, I was NOT sad. Yes, NO ONE wants to have to buy a new fridge, but our fridge was AWFUL. We got the deal of the century on a new fridge and paid HALF what we thought we would. If an appliance is going to die, dying when there is lots of clearance model fridges at Sears is the time to do it!

I'm hoping to put some photos of my scrapbook pages up here for everyone to admire:)

The Thinker.

Isaac is learning "Big B, Little B, What begins with B?" this week. He's also trying to find as many hearts as he can when he is out of school. So far, everything looks like a heart - his skittles on the table, the bubbles in the shower, rocks, the list goes on and on.

Isaac and I were busy little bees all weekend. Our refridgerator went out and he was helping mommy at Sears. He put his finger on his chin like he was thinking and told me that he thinks we better go with one that gets really cold...because he only likes cold milk. He really enjoys being mom's helper and is so much fun when we are out and about. People get such a kick out of him and his sense of humor. He is very witty and never fails to ask questions....about everything. We love it and try to answer the best we can..."Mom, why does ice cream melt?". Like I said, we try to answer the best we can, but there are times that Brandon and I look at each other and are just plain stumped. High school chemistry escapes me and I have no easy answer.